She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
