the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
