walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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