When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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