I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
