Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
