Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
