i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
