I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
