You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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