in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
