I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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