Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
