She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
