For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
