someone threw a dead crab at me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
