Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
