He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
