I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
