Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
