Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize