If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
