she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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