everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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