So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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