I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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