fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's blow job season.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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