man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
