i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
