The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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