Got a toothbrush?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
