Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
