i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
