I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
