Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
