Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
