apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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