I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
