They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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