my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they need to just BURY HIM!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
should my penis look like a turkey
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize