didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
