for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
