break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
