This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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