I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
