my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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