You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
