I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
