When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
