Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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