i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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