i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
