Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
