PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
3 2 1 whiskey
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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