I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
