I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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