he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize