She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He did a backflip because drugs
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