i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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