You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
