Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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